There was once a King who had an only daughter, but the princess was always ill. So ill that she was covered in green stripes and thought she was a deck chair. No doctor had ever been able to cure her. One night when her father had folded her up for the night, he dreamed that his daughter would get well by eating an apple. So he proclaimed that whoever brought an apple that would make the princess better could marry her and take his place as the king. A farmer sent his eldest son to bring a basket of apples down to the palace. But on the way he met an ugly dirty little man who asked what he was carrying in his basket. ""If you must know, you nosey little bogy, it's full of slimey toads legs"" the eldest son told him, the little man went off saying ""If you say so, so shall it be"". The eldest arrived at the palace and boasted that he had the apples that would cure the princess. But when the king opened the basket it was ful of slimey toads legs still jumping around. The king was so mad tha

• Rik Mayall