An outbreak of tomato flu is in the headlines. This alarming new super-virus (a parody of avian flu) can be traced back to a turkey farm in Turkey. The news networks advise on the best way to avoid tomatoids in food such as tomato ketchup. In other news: a man is injured by a frozen block of urine.

• Tony Roche
• John Morton

• Colin Stinton
• Andrew Havill
• Pip Torrens